Day 21!!! The two by four...

God sent my journey straight into the book of Job... I will start out by saying if one starts the book of Job, you must finish it.... that is to grasp the full affect of the two by four.... Don't misunderstand me, I do not reference the two x four as a painful experience but that often things are right in front of me and I stumble about lost trying to make sense of things and when I hear it straight from God I wonder why I made it so complicated to begin with... I realized that guess what, I don't know everything, in fact I am not so sure I know anything lol... yep you heard it from the horses mouth I don't know much at all.... In the big spectrum of things, the spectrum of my life.... I do not know how to suspend the moon, or make the sun rise. I do not know how to make the thunder clash or send a lightning bolt across the sky. I can not make a rainbow appear or a star to fall. I have never been able to figure out how the puffy white clouds are suspended and move so gracefully across the sky. What makes a lightening bug light, and what are their purpose anyway? No matter all my efforts in planning, I can never know what will happen seven days from now at noon. I don't know how to tame a lion or even a dog for that matter. I do not know the number of my days, or even understand the complexity of how to make the moon, sun, & stars come together perfectly to form a day. I cannot teach a bird to sing, or understand their song. In the big spectrum, I don't know much at all.

I trained employees for the past several years, and my field is a very complex and difficult field to train in. I remember telling each of them that there was no way I could possibly teach them everything in a day or a month and that they will most likely be confused.. I also tried to explain to them to give it a year, in order to see all the seasons and everything would start clicking.... No matter how much I could tell them, every situation is different and may result in a whole new set of rules... I can recall someone getting frustrated thinking I was holding out on them... When the truth of the matter is you can teach and train continuously and you will still run into a completely different circumstance that you had not previously covered... I took a lot of pride in our employees and always wanted each and every one of them to succeed and feel confident about the work, most likely more than they themselves ever realized. For those who hung in there for at least a year, it all started to make sense and I think they understood that it is really a very complex environment and along with all the training they must really allow time to experience all the seasons as well... I must have said a hundred times to please trust me it will all come together..

God is now saying to me - my child this is a very complex situation (life).. and I know you do not understand. I am trying my best to teach you, train you and prepare you for all the situations that are before you, but I cannot teach you in a day or a month, but in a lifetime.... So please just TRUST me and hang in here with me for 1 lifetime and it will all make sense. I cannot explain all I know, but all these complex situation will all unfold before you and you will clearly understand.... Just 1 lifetime. Just follow me, trust me, I am not setting you up to fail, I am pouring my soul into you so that you will succeed. Just 1 lifetime and you will see...

I realize I really do not know anything at all, and that is okay, I just need to follow and have faith... My father is never trying to mislead or confuse me.... I always said I was not angry with God for things that had happened, and I really wasn't angry, I was frustrated and sad, and didn't understand.... I still don't understand, but I need to grasp that I don't need too.. Some things will be revealed to me in time, and others things wont make sense until the end.. But God has the whole picture, he does see how it all unfolds. He knows there will be good times and bad times and that I will be frustrated and broken at times, and he is just asking me to hang in there... Why do I continue to question him as if I know better than he. This life is very complex and I need to stop trying to figure it out.... I need to experience all the seasons... and in experiencing all the seasons it is okay to be exactly who I am... A child still learning, and growing, and looking to my father to pick me up when I stumble, embrace me when I am broken, to encourage me try again when I fail, rejoice with me when I succeed, and most of all love me unconditionally....