Monday, August 3, 2009


This morning during church we sang a small portion of Breathe which is the second song I have on this blog. As the song finished our wonderful Pastor Jeff was discussing (and please forgive my paraphrasing) how we are not always feeling desperate in our relationship with God, or lost without him.

In today's society we consider desperation as a weakness... Okay well maybe I should just speak for myself and say in my own vocabulary I have often viewed desperation as weakness... Now mind you this comes from a very stubborn personality that typically bites off more than she can chew and then finds herself jumping through fire in order to accomplish the unaccomplishable (don't think that is a word) all the while she would not dare allow a soul to know she was desperately in over her head to begin with.... Pride has been scrolled across her forehead, not desperation. When you have something tattooed into your character (such as pride), sometimes it is not so easily removed. This is what we would call self destructive!!!

I am really not sure exactly how or when the pride thing took hold, but it has been there along as I can remember. The problem is I have often taken my issues with pride too far. I remember being 18 and when my dad found out I didn't ask for help when I should have he expressed how upset disappointed he was with me that I had not expressed how desperate my situation was... I remember mumbling something about pride. He went on to apologize to me, concerned that somewhere in his teachings he had instilled in me a wonderful quality, but that I had clearly misconstrued pride and had taken it too far.

How do Pride and Desperation fit together @!@#@

Work... Now work and pride fit together... like PB & J....


I am strongly convicted that one should put 150% into their work..... One should take pride in their work... My motto is " when you look back you want to be able to say you know you did the best you could... That doesn't mean that it is the best, but that it was my best... I have probably expressed 10,000 times in working situations.... You will never regret putting in a 150% but you most likely will regret only giving 50... Many times your efforts may not be appreciated or even noticed but you yourself can take pride in a job well done.... In this context, pride is a good thing if it drives you to give your all, pushes you to be your best.


First of all my pride prevents me from being desperate until I am really really desperate... Which by the way is really really stupid.... So by this point I am on my knees desperately seeking the lord....I am seeking him with my whole heart... When I have lost hope, or faith, or peace, I give a 150% effort in seeking the Lord.... In that moment I put it all on the line, holding nothing back.... and it is in these moments that my spirit is one with the father..... This is where peace and comfort and hope resides... a place I never want to leave.... Yet life moves forward and I become comfortable again and wonder out of that desperation for the Lord only to question later why I ever left to begin with...

Pride and Desperation

I need to take my overly prideful tattooed forehead and apply that to desperation... I need to take pride in desperately seeking the Lord 150%.... I need not view desperation as weakness.... For it is in this desperation that my roots will be firmly planted and my fruit will be bountiful.... So I shall pray that I am desperate for the Lord ever day of my life... Amen

"Therefore, my dear brother, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1Corinthians 15:58

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