Friday, October 22, 2010

God has molded me to Keep On Keepin On....

First of all thanks to my great friends leaving me encouraging words... God blessed me with a great night of sleep, and I think I cried every ounce of fluid I had in me, so I think for the most part my pity party is over... I think that was probably 6 months of build up cuz when I started crying, I just couldn't stop, every errand I ran people just kinda looked at me funny with my red, probably damp, tear squeezing out face.... They probably think I am having man problems lol lol...

And that folks IS why I am one of the chosen ones... Cuz God has given me the fight to pull myself up by my boot straps and MOVE ON...

Its in me,
I know It is,
always have been,
I don't give up,
Never taking No for an answer,
Always forging on,
Never let anything stop me, 
just keep on keepin on

that is why we are all the chosen ones...
cuz we keep on keepin on.....    

Our little warriors have to have warrior parents... God would never place a  CFer or any other child with a life threatening disease with just any ole parent, they gotta be a fighter.... We had to EARN this role, it didn't come easy.... I remember huge moments in the 6 years well my whole life for that matter, where I had to fight, and fight and fight and I did, and I persevered and I use to wonder WHY ME, why cant I just let it go, why do I have to be the one to keep fighting???

One particular time was a court battle, family law and it was a complete mess, I did  everything in my power to do the right thing... I prayed daily for hours and this went on for years.... We ended up with a crooked Judge with a very "boys club" mentality and needless to say um he made some completely unjust rulings... and then I was told in the hallway that if I didnt appeal the case, he would award me attorney fees... Well that didnt fly with me AT ALL... I was out for the "justice", the "principle", the "fair" and boy did it cost me us... Thousands and thousands of dollars went into filing an appeal and movin on with proceeding... I remember thinking at that time, why us, we try to be good people, and why can I not just let it go... Why must I fight for the truth, why?? Save your money, let it go, and move on... well I just couldn't, what was done in that court room that day was just wrong, and it needed to be made right... And it took FIVE long years... and one day, I was notified that the appears court ruled in our favor stating "Based on the record, we conclude that the award constitutes an abuse of discretion, and it is hereby reversed"  Wow I remember that moment like it was yesterday, and it only got better, later that SAME DAY someone came in my office toting documents stating that the Judge was no longer on the bench, effective immediately... (not specifically for our case but a multitude of cases)...... At that moment all the fight was worth it.... sometimes I still wondered why I couldn't let things go.... Don't get me wrong I am a very very forgiving person, and can show a tremendous amount of mercy and grace, but there are also times I just have to fight for what is right... Now I know why....  God was the potter and he was molding me to be that fighter, to never give up, to keep on keepin on.... He knew my future and he was preparing me, he has been preparing me my whole life for right now, this moment... and that makes me NOT feel alone, because I know I am right where he intented me to be....  Now don't get me wrong, I AM human and I am entitled to a few melt downs a year I think.... and I think it is good for ME to be honest with what we go through...  Many times it is easier NOT to talk about the financial devastation an illness can bring to a family.... Don't get me wrong I am okay with down sizing and living minimally, it is actually far more peaceful... I have always said it is the fall down to the bottom that hurts the most, once we are completely at the bottom, meaning when our bankruptcy is complete it will be such a relief... So it may be humiliating to talk about but I think it is also necessary cuz I know we are not alone and I don't want to paint the picture that it is all a bed of roses (no pun intended)... but that God WILL carry us all through...God has ALWAYS carried us through,  and we will keep on KEEPIN ON....

So thank you for all the encouraging words, I am so blessed to have my online support, it makes a huge difference in this KARAZY life...


  1. Morning, friend. Did you happen to get my email? If you just haven't had time to respond I totally understand, I'm just leery now after you said I got dumped to your spam :). Lots of love to you!

  2. Sending you lots of hugs Marcy. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to pay for all the CF meds. Seren is on 17 meds a day, and Dylan on 16, and if it wasn't for the National Health Service here in the UK, we would be stuffed. We struggle to keep our heads above water even WITH the NHS, I can't even imagine how we'd cope without it.

    I really hope that the financial stuff can get sorted out very soon, so that you can focus on the important things, like loving precious Lane and your family.

    Love, hugs & prayers,

    Becky xxx


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