Owning 2011

WOW WOW WOW so much to update I don't know where to begin... I (we) started this year saying we were going to OWN 2011, I have been thinking alot about that lately... what does that mean.... We went on a Make a Wish trip at the end of 2010 and boy was it a trip of a life time, with our entire family... That trip seemed to be the big hooray before the craziness of storm 2011 would bring... My dreams for 2011 were for us to have a peaceful, calm, uneventful, HEALTHY year..... and truth is I have not blogged because I really wasnt ready to share it.... So far this year Lane has been sicker than I had hoped, nothing compared to what it could have been, but more than we would have liked, and he also contracted some very serious lung invader's, which I am still trying to wrap my head around, his lung functions fell some and although he still runs around as if nothing is wrong, somethings are still wrong..... culture after culture we have come back clean for 7 years and I have thanked God that we were maybe just MAYBE in the minority of this crushing CF disease, and to receive a call that NOPE you have not evaded the reality... It takes your dreams for the future and crushes them ALL OVER AGAIN..... In addition 2011 brought many days of ME being ill, of which I couldn't understand what was happening or why I was in so much pain, part of me thought something was REALLY wrong and the other part of me though NO WAY would lightening strike again, I don't even think it is possible, until I landed in the hospital with a diagnosis of bladder cancer... YEP 37 (which is quite young for bladder cancer, way to young) with bladder cancer... To say the least it was a shock to our family and after a few surgeries we are still currently undergoing treatments and  I have a great support system, but the fact remains I have missed for the first time EVER in 19 years my kids 1st day of school... Lane's first day of the second grade.... Mothers are not meant to be taken out by any illness and the biggest struggles for me have been all the doctors and hospitals, and being bed ridden, and drugged.... I learned REALLY FAST that no one but my husband and myself really know how to take care of our little Lane, and thats a problem we are trying to fix now... letting go of some of the control, whew that is a big one...    Never in my wildest thoughts did I ever think that I would be 37 struggling to emotionally and physically and spiritually get myself through cancer as well as trying to get my son through all his needs with cystic fibrosis, as well as trying to be a mother to our other children and a wife too.....I think I am honestly still in shock... LOL but have a good sense of humor about it all...  I really haven't blogged because I one have been ill, and limited in where and what I do but also because this year has been EXHAUSTING from the start, and we are still trying to come to grips with everything, it is life changing yet again and we have to  and start figuring it all out all over again.... So many things have taken the back burner which I am not happy about the lose ends I feel I leave everywhere, it weighs heavy on me all the balls I have dropped..... I guess as I look at the OWNING 2011 it takes on a new meaning ~ one of not just surviving, but one of making it through and being grateful that we had such a big HOORAY to hold on to for this entire year, grateful for all our friends and family that have so graciously helped us, and grateful that CF nor CANCER can take the JOY out of the family.. Holding on to the littlest of moments as they are often the greatest......  We are faithful that God has taught us that he will not lead us down any path that he will not walk beside us through, and he continues to bless us each and every day.... So where do we go from here, well we put on our boots and forge on, God has way more in store for our family than illness, and he will make it all happen... So owning 2011, is all about OWNING how WE are going to handle everything that has been thrown our way, with grace, faith, trust and a whole lot of laughter and  WE ARE OWNING IT :)