Speechless!!!

March 22, 2009 - Sunday
Uhh speechless!!!
Current mood: loved
Category: Life

Wow… I am really speechless. A few years ago, I was hit with a devastating time, and it really took me out at the knees. I was severely depressed, spent a lot of time in bed, and my vision of the world was totally distorted… No one had known what struggles I had encountered and the silent suffering only made the healing take even longer… I didn’t blame God for what had happened, and I knew that he would see me to the other side, but it was a daily battle to not be bitter… God gently and carefully worked on my spirit, and my joy eventually started to flow back into my days… when you experienced staring the devil in the face and seeing what evil can be infested into mankind, you never forget it. Prior to this I was a positive, outgoing person, who believed that there is good in everybody and we just need to bring it out in them… yes I truly believed this…. After that day a few years ago, that was striped from me. My innocents is gone. With God’s grace this last year has been a great one, and upon finding out about my son, I knew Gods work in me was for a reason…. Many have referred to it as strength; well let me say my viewpoint on strength is also not the same… I believe strength is just a measure of how much you are able to admit to your weaknesses. And I have had my share of weakness. Here is where YOU come in! After receiving our news about Lane, I think I have it all together, I can figure this out, and God will guide us down this path… Besides what choice do I have anyways? I start going through the motions, one day into the next. One issue into another.. I had a few days of tears and then it back to business, I have a son to help so it is just time to suck it up and step it up… No time for a pity party here… My family stepped up right away, offering assistance in any and everyway, and my sister took on the daunting task of putting tireless hours/days into this website… I for one would have given up had it not been for her “not having any of that” mentality…. Little did I know what would come of this website…. I have sat here for the past three days, with my face swollen from crying (I am not kidding, I am going to have to put on triple eye cream tonight so I can go to work tomorrow, I just aged 20 years)…. Good tears!!! Healing tears!!! My sister has read to me countless messages you all have sent her, all your prayers, your soothing words, donations, A WALK (are you kidding me New York)…. From friends, from strangers (huge, who raised you, you need to let them know what an awesome person you became), me and my sisters awesome facebook lovin classmates, in which I haven’t even seen or spoke to in almost twenty years … Are you kidding me Harrison, man I love you guys (I cant even begin to address this one I am overwhelmed) and my child hood bestie who only found me a month ago (again I am still speechless) … Okay see I am still crying (this is why this letter has taken days..lol) To each and everyone of you: Oh how I needed to hear your words, to witness your kindness, to be touched by your compassion… No act too small… I have my own inner battles going on.… I realized with every kind gesture it became harder & harder to handle it, my weakened spirit was being awakened and I having nowhere for all that to go, I have just created a small pond in my front yard….lol okay so I have not cried this much since I saw the devil himself, and this time it is not to take from me, but to give back to me the part in which he took…. Still crying here (good tears)… I desperately needed that part of me back, I need that hope and that faith, and in fact I didn’t even realize how much was missing… I will never be able to repay the gift you have given back to me… A gift that I so dearly need right now more than ever… My Faith…. I must close right now, because my head is hurting so badly from all the tears….. God Bless each and everyone of you!!!! I am a life that was changed……