Day 1 continued "seek his face always" psalm 105:4

First, for no other purpose than to see how far I have come in 40 days. I must document the now... In 8 months my husband lost his mother, the economy went south causing my husband to work less (although grateful he is working Yeah) our son was diagnosed with CF, I lost my job, another son broke his foot, our daughter had surgery, our medical bills grew while our income went south... Poor is okay, because I know that poor makes you grateful, poor makes you humble, and poor gives you hope because at a certain point you can only go up.... I think I can handle it once I finish falling down the 20 flights of stairs it takes to get there.... When you are trying so desperately to hold on to things, is when you struggle the most.... dealing with the CF is a complete other issue, one which requires coming to terms with it. My hope is that our family will grow together, lead my God.... That we can all embrace each other, no matter our circumstance... We are more fortunate than many.... Many are in worse situations than ourselves, and I feel guilty even complaining... My intent is not to complain but to document what wonderful works God can do in my life in 40 days.. Because I know he will... some of this stuff is absolutely embarrassing, but I know that the first step in this is honestly.... Being honest with myself.. Of course I also need to be thoughtful of the rest of my family..... I would not want to embarrass them in the process of me working through my struggles....

I will start this by saying uh having no one but God to complain is kinda weird... Part of the reason for this adventure is not only to have alone time with God and work through issues but also to solely rely on him for my comfort... It is always nice and comforting to find a kind and supporting word here and there, and I know that God absolutely puts people in our paths to help encourage us along in life, but I need to start with the basics.... the foundation, because sometimes God may be all you have... and I need a strong, foundation, so that when people encourage me or send kind words my way it is a double dose of greatness.... but not expected or necessary for me to function.... Psalm 105:4 "Look to the Lord and his strength, seek his face always" I need God to be enough to fulfill my every need.. from the core of me out... I remember feeling completely consumed with God's love... so much so that I knew no one or nothing could break me.... Okay so something did (that, God and I will work through on another day)but I want that feeling back.... I need that feeling back, that glow that when you walk around people say "man I need some of what she has" and "where do I get some of that" and I can simple say GOD... the one and only.....


Today started with calling several places trying to get a hold of our problems with thousands of dollars worth of medical bills... not real fun just calls that have to be made... man can those bills pile up fast... and then there is the other stack that well, I cannot even get to cuz what would I tell them... Have no money, have not learned how to make it grow yet, I'll call you when I figure it out... so that pile, I am embarrassed to say I don't even open... which led me to my next problem, I didn't open all the bills... Nope didn't open them... so I had to deal with that today... okay this is when I say "God, I need you here, I am weak and this has to come from you, what do I do...." okay I kinda went into a sobbing story with this lady, which tells me if I had called before she could have helped, but it is too late now... I sobbing and blubbering tell her, I have been under so much pressure that I didn't even open it... I really feel bad for this poor lady, I told her sorry I knew it wasn't her fault it was mine, but I have just had a really crappy year so far... bless her heart she puts me on hold and after I sat there for what seemed like forever praying to God, "please God, just a little mercy here" she arrives back on the phone with allowing me to get things straightened out... Okay God, thank you thank you thank you..... I feel bad I even take this for granted knowing how many people are literally homeless.... we are not homeless, we have a nice home that we rent, and that our landlord and a family friend, along with my husband worked really hard to make very nice after Lane was diagnosed... why am I complaining... I have no reason too.... we move on and to be honest I felt a lot of peace today knowing that God and I are going to be working on all of this together over the next 40 days and that on day 41 I hope to be glowing again.....










Highlight Tay got her braces off yesterday yeah Tay!!!! She informed me today as I was taking her pic, that she already posted it on facebook. she was surprised I hadn't seen it.... I informed her that she must be outta the loop, I am on a 40 day 40 night journey with God and no facebook allowed... Sorry




Here are my funnies for yesterday and today...

These are the "tadpoles" Cain received in the mail..... Lane told me this evening that these "ticks were going to turn into frogs"











This is the elevator I was stuck in yesterday... yep really, I stood in there quit awhile, even going to different floors trying to figure out why the door would not open.... Then a kind man pushed the button on the other side and poof open sesame... little embarrassed lol...

What I am grateful for today:
My family, and there health.... My husband working hard in the terrible hot sun.... My kids and I laughing in the kitchen and just being goofy... My little Lane making smoothies with me...... the anticipation of great things tomorrow... and God loving me unconditionally.... It was a good day....