March 1, 2009 - Sunday The unexpected!! Category: Life
Went to OKC Wednesday!! The two oldest kids had their sweat tests done, and we are blessed to confirm they do Not have CF. The sweat test is painless, but poor lane had to have more blood drawn, which he was pretty flipped out about... I find it very hard to tell him to be strong and brave.. As a parent you would do anything to protect your child, and i feel so helpless. Making him take all the meds daily is bad enough, but knowing that he has such a hard road ahead, is too much to cope with at times. I clearly have totally lost it a few different times, one of which I went a little, okay allot psycho on my sister and had to hang up to regather my thoughts....she of course being my wonderful sister didn't take it personally as I called her right back to make sure she knew I was having a totally irrational moment... My mom has also listened to me vent, along with my friend Beth.. But I have been surprised at how well I have dealt with all that has taken place, all I know is it is totally God.... Lane's doctor did not hold back when he described the terrible events that lay ahead. The daunting cloud of despair follows your thoughts throughout each day... Several days I woke up and started getting ready and realize that this was not a dream and that I have to start his morning treatment. God calms my spirit, and gracefully shoves me into the next moment of the day.. I see everything differently... Shorter... Like a clock tick tick tick, in my ear all day.... The little things are front and center... I see a five year old boy go in to have one lung removed.. I find my mind wondering and I want to know, Lord, how much time do I have? 5 years, 10, 20 - exactly how much time? Note that I stated how much time do "I " have, as if it is me... Feeling I am entitled to feel really selfish right now, and totally cheated that I have to suck it up and except the unacceptable. Am I being too optimistic, too pessimistic? Well sometimes we find our answer in the least expected way... This answer lays in the petals of the rose, (see picture in photo). My daughter bought me this rose from a local grocery store on Thursday Feb. 12th, the day before Lane was diagnosed with CF. One single rose sat on my desk at work, and I figured it would be dead when I arrived at work the following Monday. When I arrived on Monday I was surprised to see that not only was the single rose still alive it was in full bloom, I thought how beautiful. Well over the next few days I watched as others were throwing out flowers that they had received on the 14th, and my single rose just keep holding on. Days go by and I am researching more about CF and that a phase was coined for the disease " 65 Roses". When a child years back unable to pronounce cystic fibrosis, called it 65 Roses. Hmmm I thought what a neat story... Well as Friday approached, I just knew that my single Rose would be dead when I returned from this second weekend.. Guess what, to my surprise again, I arrive Monday morning to find that not only is my rose is still alive, it is still in full bloom, and remained alive for several more days. Two weeks this single rose lived, (the picture is at the two weeks mark). You may not think this is a big deal, but over all the years I have received roses... Never have I received one single rose, (bought from the grocery store) that went into full bloom and lasted two weeks... I watched several people pitching theirs a week prior (and they had several roses)... So as I stare at my rose, I am trying to figure out what is wrong with it, It should have died last week, and this one rose seems to be on its own schedule as if to say to me, stop trying to figure out my life expectancy and just enjoy me... I am a beautiful rose, blooming just for you and you are missing the best part because you are consumed with when I will stop blooming... ohhh my thoughts pause, as to catch up with the reality.... I get it... I sit there silent.... This single rose has lived through the duration of the first two weeks of my terrible news that my son has 65 roses... This single rose was not expected to live this long, I sat each day looking at it wondering why it was out living its expectancy. Oh how I see it now... I can sit hear and dwell on how much time my son does or does not have, but my son is in full bloom, and his life expectancy, whatever that may be only God knows, and it is more than enough time to accomplish everything God has set for him in his path, and more than enough time to touch every life that God intends for him to touch. I need to embrace everything that is before me right now and have the faith that God has a plan for each us. So I am just going to enjoy all my children in full bloom... Each one of them have many lives to touch, and many things to accomplish.. Each of them are fulfilling the plan the God has set before them.... so I need to sit back and take time to smell the roses and expect that we all strive for more than just the expected.... and I expect awesome things to happen!!