Thursday, February 11, 2010

Part 2 In one moment everything changed.. Or did it???

Everything was changing so fast.. For months I stood still as everything swirled around me... I wept and wept and wept some more.... I was grieving the son I had lost.... I already had his whole life dreamed up in my mind... and now in one moment one breath someone has striped that all away... This new path only leaves me wondering; would my son live a normal life, would he marry, will he have children, will he suffer, and most heart breaking of them all - will he out live me... This is NOT my plan, my dream, or my path....

Or was it???

For the last 363 days now God had gently held my spirit... and piece by piece over the last year he has shown me the puzzle of my life.... All the moments in my life that he was preparing me, all the moments that I knew I was going through for a reason, only I didn't know why.... As God continued to show me piece by piece there was no question at all, that he has been preparing me my whole life for this very moment and every moment to come.... My path has not been derailed, just the idea of what I thought my life was, when in reality my life has a much bigger purpose than I would have ever been able to dream up... And though it is easy to fear the future I need not worry, because God has promised me in,

Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. "

I have lost allot in the last year, but everything I lost was tangible, money, cars, money, job, money, (I think you get the point)..... But I have gained everything that mattered... a deeper connection with God as he nurtured me spiritually & emotionally. Realizing that God really is in charge of everything, including Lane... A deeper love for my children (if that is possible), and greater appreciation for each of there individual gifts and talents.... A much stronger bond with my husband... In fact I have fallen in love with him all over again... and am able to appreciate much more, his hard work and the dedication he has for us.... He is my better half... I gained the realization that for many years I was putting all my efforts or too much of my efforts into all the wrong things... and this year has taught me that I need to prioritize what really is important to me.... My Faith, My Family, Our Friends...... I have learned that I can hold on to things of this world so tightly all the while strangling the things most important to me - My husband and children..... I have learned to appreciate the littlest of things, rainbows, noise, a wave, puddles, sledding, swimming, silence, laughter, lightening, tears, the sun, a touch, swinging, a smile, listening, fishing, hope, and the greatest of all LOVE....

So my dreams may have changed, but God has been walking with me down the same path my whole life, he has sat with me, prayed with me, protected me, held me, provided for me, and he is planning for me... He has prepared me to be right here right now and I just have to allow him to continually mold me into what he desires for me, and keep faith that it is so much more than what I could have ever dreamed of...


  1. Couldn't of said it better myself :)


  2. i really admire your perspective and strength. i know how difficult it is to get to the place where you are. i know this, because in a lot of ways, i don't think i am there yet and it's been sixteen years! you're an amazing woman.


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